You spoke, BoomerBlix listened. Today, we launch the first of what will no doubt be a highly-popular feature: Ask Suzy. I've been hounded to address those tough and tricky questions about relationships. Yes, steadfast readers, we are still seeking answers at sixty-plus.
Happily committed folks, married or otherwise, may yawn and decide to skip these posts, and find a more worthwhile blog to read. Then again, these segments may be fascinating to you, a sort of voyeurism, the chance to observe how the rest of us try to solve this eternal puzzle. A Sisyphean task, but we can't seem to stop.
Ready? Me, too. All questions are based on actual experiences; seriously, you can't make this stuff up. This will be interesting! Join me now:
Dear Suzy,
I was at a lovely wedding on Saturday night (went alone, of course, and had a ball) yet some of my dear friends were encouraging me "to date." Honestly, Suzy, I was starting to get annoyed with them. What's the matter with a single, accomplished woman on her own? Write about this one sometime on your blog, okay?
Home Alone
Dear Home Alone,
What a great question to kick off "Ask Suzy"! Being a single, accomplished woman myself, I run across this on a regular basis. I have come to sort these folks into three categories:
1. If they are content, then they simply want us to also be in that safe, happy spot. I have no argument against this; a shared path is magnificent. What they don't understand is that one doesn't just go online to the relationship equivalent of Amazon.com, and put in an order for the perfect mate. This group is fairly harmless, and I can cheerfully cut them some slack.
2. Next are the uninformed. A quick Google search results in heaps of information about singles in general, and single women in particular. Did you know that single females (along with married males, go figure) rank the highest on health and life satisfaction scales? We're not the miserable old maids that some would think. We tend to be more social, have more friends, do more volunteer work...oh, and we tend to be thinner than our married counterparts.
3. Finally, there's the group that we make nervous. No, I don't mean the false fear that you are going to run off with their pot-bellied husbands. They can't imagine themselves living independently. It's scary for them to imagine, they panic at the thought. These folks function as single units; you have only to listen to them for a few minutes to understand: "We...us...my husband thinks...I have to ask my wife..." Meanwhile, we singles are handling our lives quite nicely, without sharing a brain. I firmly believe there's a touch of jealousy involved, as well. Heck, we can do what we want! When, where, and how we want! No explanations needed. You know that sometimes they crave this. How much nicer to have us also in their situation, no?
So, Home Alone, carry on, you bold woman! Paint your dining room ceiling bright red, travel to India, and smile tolerantly at those who think they know what you need to really be satisfied.
Suzy
Dear Suzy,
I met a delightful man, and mutual interest was high from the get-go. He possesses all the qualities I've been looking for! We have a zillion things in common, even talked about taking a trip together. Things have been escalating nicely. So, why am I writing? Well, there's one small glitch. When we met, he was half-heartedly dating a woman, because, in his words, "She's nice. She is good to me. We do things together." I could say the same thing about nearly all my family, friends and co-workers--in fact,I could say the same thing about a dog! He admits that she has several troubling issues, but will continue to see her. Any advice?
Love-Sick Boomer
Dear LSB,
One word: Run!
He's not worthy of you. Period.
Save the pretty, as they say.
Suzy
So, friends, what do you think? Are you surprised that even as we approach retirement, we're still figuring this stuff out? That we still seek reassurance and feedback?
Got a relationship question? You know you do. Send it along!
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