Job Search, Week Three: Honey, I Shrunk the Budget

Today I can file for Unemployment Compensation.  From what I've gathered, the amount will barely cover my COBRA costs, the monthly healthcare expense that, as the Human Resources person happily told me, is a "benefit." It's also Federal law, but she wanted to make it sound like something special,  an offer reserved for only the nicest employees.

Lucky me!  Finally, a chance to capitalize on my tax dollars, by using unemployment insurance to pay for what should be a basic American right.  Only the United States ties healthcare to employment, but that is way beyond the scope of today's Blix.

I've heard that I need to get past my anger and move on.  Interesting comment from Miss Still-Employed-Double-Income.  I should be ecstatic with the opportunity to re-invent myself and to follow my heart.  Thrilled to explore my creative side.  Begin Anew.  Do what I really want.  What a crock.  What I want is my old life back.  My career.

Sorry if I'm not being a jolly good sport about losing my income, knowing I will never again match it, delaying retirement indefinitely, scrapping the idea of my own condo, scaling down to a 600 sq. ft. apartment.  Oh, and my son, the one who went through a windshield when he was sixteen?  Yes, him, the one with the severe facial, and equivalent psychological, scars. He's found a delightful woman and plans to get married this year. Sorry, kid, but you're on your own for the wedding.  

Please don't tell me I need to cut back.  Of course, one of the first things I did was to examine expenses.  I'm a pro at being frugal.  I buy in bulk. I don't waste food, always plan menus around the week's specials, cook at home most nights, buy clothing when it's on sale, etc., etc. This is not rocket science.  And I've done it before.  Other things, that were work-related, are not easy to change.  My job required a smartphone, with a big data package, for which I was reimbursed.  Guess what?  That $150 monthly bill is now mine.  For eighteen more months. Same with the big Internet/LAN line bill.  Both are locked-in rates.  My apartment has an extra room, because I had to have a dedicated space for a home office.  Extra room = extra rent.  Angry?  Not me...why would you think that?!  Why, for only $600 a month, I've got COBRA!

Lest you think I'm insincere, consider this.  In the mid-80's, I went through a particularly contentious divorce. It was summer, and my job as a school nurse did not pay during that time.  My soon-to-be-ex-husband gave me $25 a week to feed four children.  Nearly impossible, even back then.  To make every cent count, I shopped at Aldi Foods.  It was the lowest point of my life, buying just enough to get by.  When it was all over, I swore I would never step foot in another Aldi.  It wasn't so much the warehouse/pack-your-own concept.  The place just felt really, really sad to me.  I swear, despair hung in the air and clung to my clothing.

I had such a visceral reaction that when I made my list of how to cut costs, I couldn't include Aldi.  Too many bad memories.  But...one day, I drove by one, and stopped.  Sat out in the parking lot for a few minutes. Slow, deep breaths.  Then, as they say, I put on my Big Girl Pants, and went in. Is it any different, over 25 years later?  Not really.  But I was in.  I bought some pretzels---it's pretty hard to screw up pretzels.  I've been back twice, even, for bread and fruit.

So, I begin to figure out a new life.  Am I angry?  You bet.  Not only for me, but for all the others who suddenly find themselves without options, and without the ability to help a son celebrate his wedding.

Comments

[Melinda Lockard]

If you don't get angry now and instead stuff it, it will haunt you. You have every right to be angry. This was a great post!

[Kathy]

I agree - you have every right to be very angry, particularly if your former employer won't reimburse you for mandated expenses. "Moving on" will happen, of course, but for now... anger seems pretty darn appropriate.

[Ed Koizumi]

In 1981, when I separated from my business partner at a retail store, my wife and I had a new baby, a new house, and a rental car. I remember feeling that constant pit in my stomach of how I would find work to pay the bills. My wife would often agonize over 50¢ purchases at the grocery store. We borrowed some money and were able to pay it back as I found clients for my little business. With your talents and drive, Suzy, I trust your situation will improve, too.