Photo: Huffington Post
1. Learn--and remember--three entertaining jokes. Funny jokes that require you tell a story with a punchline. No goofy-kid riddles, although it's not a bad idea to have a couple of those up your sleeve, too. Sooner or later, the need will arise to demonstrate your humorous side. It might be at a dinner table, when conversation hands you a golden opportunity: "Your comment about Gwyneth Paltrow reminds me of a blond joke"... This is the best way, to seize the moment. Don't ask permission. Or, after several rounds of drinks, there may be a string of jokes, and you will be expected to contribute. In fact, you'll want to! Or, someday--on a cruise--you might find yourself in a joke contest with a lucrative prize. (By the way, I'm okay with knowing two spectacular funnies, along with one slightly off-color joke. Rounds out your repertoire. But know your audience before you plunge in.)
But never start with, "This is SOOO hilarious..." It puts people on the defensive and they'll look for gaffes. Guarantee: They won't laugh as hard as you.
2. Talk to someone you don't know. Makes you twitchy just to think about this, doesn't it? You feel shy and awkward. You don't know anyone. You would have sold your soul to stay home. You have absolutely NO idea what to talk about. It's not that you don't want to start a conversation--there are plenty of interesting people here!--but you are glued to your spot, maybe gulping your drink, looking down. Wishing someone would rescue you.
Long ago, I worked the 12-hour night shift in ICU. After our patients were sedated for an hour or so, we would talk about such things. Ted, the delightful respiratory therapist, was always talking about the parties he went to. "How do you do it??" I pleaded. "Tell me the secret of going up to someone and saying anything."
This is what Ted taught me. And I'm here to tell you that it has never, ever failed.
- First of all, don't rely on your party hosts. The host's job is to provide the venue. YOUR job is to be a good guest, which means you agree to mingle and contribute to the evening.
- Take a little while to pick someone who looks interesting. Sip your drink, look at the art, the books, the family photos. The thermostat. Smile vaguely. Look approachable! Don't pick the first person in your line of vision, or you could be stuck for the whole evening. There are jerks at every party.
- Approaching someone at the food or buffet is a good start. You are both there, admiring (hopefully) the choices. Here's your chance: "Looks good, doesn't it?" "I've been looking forward to this. Elvis throws such great parties. I hope we get to see the Jungle Room." "Oh, boy, Velveeta! Takes me back to my childhood." The point here: Say anything! ANYTHING! The other person, if evolved beyond Cro-Magnon, will feel compelled to respond. From there...
- "How do you know Elvis? We used to work together, back in Memphis." "Isn't he talented?" "How do you think he'll do in Las Vegas?" At this point, you have the power. If the other person is a dolt, get your Velveeta and retreat. But at least you have met someone.
- Use this technique for anyone who is standing alone. Just the fact that you are both at the same party gives you something in common. Use that in your favor. The other person is probably nervous, too. Be the hero.
- If you're kid-friendly, and children are around, you can always start there. Hopefully, their parents will notice that the kiddos are talking to a stranger and sprint over. Say something positive about their offspring (Be creative!) and introduce yourself. Then go back to "How do you know Elvis?"
Unless you are a Total Extrovert (in which case, you are wondering why I am going to the bother of explaining this, when there are so! many! people! there! who! are! fascinating!) take these small steps to heart. Nothing huge is required. Just look open, ask a couple of questions. You will be fine.
3. Balance a plate of food and a drink, while standing. Forget the conversation. The real challenge of the evening is how the heck to to hold a plate of food and a beverage in one hand, while eating with the other. Oh, and, you have no place to set the plate or glass down. I feel your pain. It's like sitting down to a formal meal to find chopsticks as your only eating utensils, when you have never even remotely entertained the thought of using chopsticks. In other words, you're screwed.
In the ideal world, the host will have anticipated the dilemma and provided those nifty plates with a groove to hold a beverage. If you find yourself at one of those parties, you have been blessed. But don't get complacent. The next event will be the norm: you, a plate, a drink--oh, and maybe a fork and napkin.
Here's what a smart person does:
- Realize that you need to choose. Eat? Or drink? If you are starving, look at the food options. Remember that a hamburger joint is probably a few minutes away. Do the math: Did I eat dinner? How much do I need to sustain me (and absorb the alcohol) in order to get to that hamburger?
- Pick a couple of things--think nutrient-dense here--and nibble. Nuts or cheese fill the bill. You can easily juggle those with a drink.
- If you are truly starving, give up the liquid. Fill your plate high. You can always hydrate later.
- What if it's complicated food, requiring actual eating utensils? First, I say that if you are asking, the host needs a serious lesson in catering. Second, stick with the beverages and excuse yourself as soon as possible. You will not be able to eat in any satisfactory way.
Does this help?
Sometimes things seem impossible, or we think that everyone is naturally better at socializing. Not true! I am here to tell you that 99.9% of people struggle with these three things. Take a deep breath and remember that you are terrific! Otherwise, you would never have been invited!
Get out there and have fun!
Recent Comments