1. Eat dinner alone in a restaurant.
You will notice that I have skipped straight past breakfast and lunch. Anyone--male or female--could have a perfectly good reason to eat alone during those meals: business travel, spouse at a meeting, just a quick bite. But dinner? Dinner these days is probably the only remaining meal intended to be shared. Look around: couples or groups are everywhere, whether business or personal. Suddenly, you feel diminished. Exposed.
What makes it even worse: The Hostess says, "Just one?" as if your inability to have a dinner partner--any partner--is an obvious character flaw. You feel as if a spotlight is on you: "ATTENTION! She is ALONE! No one wants to eat with her!"
Get over it. Do as I do, be proactive: "One for dinner, please." "By the window would be perfect."
In the beginning, I encourage you to do something that will make you comfortable. Bring your Kindle. Pretend you are a food critic. Or that your spouse is a surgeon, suddenly paged for a heart transplant. Anything that could explain the reason for eating alone and making it okay.
As you gain confidence, you won't care. You're hungry, you have the money, and this is a great place--five circles on Trip Advisor--and No! You won't sit at a table near the kitchen doors. It's a process...and a growth experience. Embrace it.
2. Go to a movie alone.
I will never forget the first time I got up my courage to go to a movie by myself. On a Saturday night! It was an independent film whose title I have forgotten--something about an Eskimo and an ice floe--but it got great reviews and I really wanted to see it. Having no date potential, I decided to go solo. To this day, I consider it one of my bravest actions.
Here's the good news: lots and lots of people go to films by themselves. Even on that Saturday night, there were dozens of us. Some with popcorn, some without. It didn't matter. As I looked around, I grinned. After that, I never looked back. I prefer matinees--fewer folks, reduced prices--and every time, there are as many singles as couples. I love to sit alone. Then I am free to laugh, bawl, or feel whatever, without judgement. I feel as if I'm in a private screening, like a film critic.
Warning: Once you get used to going to movies alone, it can get tricky to share your experience. You get selfish and hesitate to be congenial...because it's so much finer by yourself.
3. Sit at a bar alone.
I give full credit to a past boyfriend for this skill. He taught me to plop myself on a barstool and claim my space. Before, I had been intimidated about the bar thing. Where to sit? Would it look weird? Would anyone think I was on the make? Could I eat there? Was I supposed to talk to my barmates? Perhaps you have asked yourself these same questions.
Here is all you need to know: It's like going to Starbucks, only with adult beverages. Pick a bar stool. Say hello to the bartender. He or she is an instant connection...and if you tip well, your best friend. As you learn to do this, choose a familiar resturant with a bar: Cheesecake Factory, Bone Fish Grill, Applebees. Go in mid-afternoon or during Happy Hour. Do NOT start out at places with names such as Billy-Bob's Dive Bar.
No tables in the bar area! Sorry, that doesn't count. Order one drink--nothing pink, please. Pull out your journal or iPhone. A magazine. Or stare at the TV screen, which will always be turned to a sports station. Your only task is to realize that you are an independent woman and that you OWN that bar stool. When you walk out, you will feel totally empowered.
Bonus: If the bar has a food menu, you can kill two birds with one stone.
You're welcome!
2out of 3 not bad. I'm young I have time. The next movie I want to see I'll go it alone & let you know how it goes. I'm guessing it will be just dandy.
Posted by: Marcy | 04/03/2014 at 07:19 AM
check, check, check!
Posted by: Cindy | 04/03/2014 at 08:24 AM
I have been doing this for years. It's truly refreshing because you can go or do whatever you want without compromising anything. Keep up the great exploration of your world, it makes you who you are.
Posted by: patty | 04/03/2014 at 10:57 AM
Love this! You could also add check into a resort type hotel as 1. That was hard for me to do, because the person at the front desk practically announced it to the lobby. REALLY, You're here alone???? I went to my room and cried for a bit, called my son, got up my nerve, went to the bar had a few drinks, went to dinner and even went to the little casino and wasted a few dollars. Love your Blog!!!!
Posted by: julia | 04/08/2014 at 01:11 PM