Some of us--thankfully--have already weathered the Teen Years of our own children. Nieces and nephews. Then, SURPRISE! We get to live them again, only this time as grandparents. Some of us aren't there yet, but already dread what's ahead.
Modern times or not, adolescence seems to be about the same. A necessary part of growing up, but oh, so painful for all involved. And teens aren't the only ones allowed to be embarrassed by adults. It goes both ways. Outsiders could easily decide these kids were raised by wolves. All those years spent teaching them to be polite...gone. At least for now.
Let's consider three behaviors that seem worth pounding into them. They already know the basics, even if they pretend not to. You know good manners resurface when your teen wants something; for now, they're selectively dormant.
1. Not acting bored, even when they are. Nothing like starting with the tough one, huh? But waaaay beyond the here-and-now, this is a lifelong skill that will be valuable in future work meetings, dull dates, and music recitals. In fact, lots of things you have to do either for family or for love.
Just how to do this? I suppose everyone has a personal method. Body language matters. So does facial expression. Those are fine and dandy, but what about your brain? Sometimes I make lists in my head; that way, when I'm liberated, I can get back to things that are important. I doodle, but that probably negates my efforts not to look bored. I think of what I'll get people for Christmas. I imagine that I'm Meryl Streep, pretending not to be bored. I anticipate what will happen on the next episode of my current favorite television series.
Being around bored teens is hard on everyone, including them. Still, it's rude. With today's phones and tablets, tedium might be easier to handle. But devices can't go everywhere, so mastering the skill of going it alone is a good idea.
2. Cell phone etiquette. This is a good chance for teens to learn about "register" in social settings. Register means that different behaviors are appropriate in different settings. Example: If you were introduced to Queen Elizabeth, you wouldn't call her "Liz-Baby." When with their friends, teens are perfectly fine texting, talking, and interrupting each other while on the phone. We leave that alone. No, what I'm talking about here is the inability to break away from the phone screen in the presence of adults during occasions such as Thanksgiving, Grandma's birthday, or when in conversation with an adult. At those times, a different set of rules applies: Excusing oneself to take a call; not starting one until an appropriate time; no texting during established family times. You have to decide those parameters for yourself. You'll get accusations of being stuck somewhere in era of Fred Flintstone, as well as having a heart of ice, etc., etc., etc. You already know these, because you used them yourself. You also know they don't work.
3. Learning how to handle being introduced. Meeting new people can be awkward, and it's not confined to the teen years. Some of us never get good at it; in fact, we'd rather stay home than face the "how-do-you-do" ritual. But we learn to navigate it, anyway. For teens, this is crucial. Somewhere, sometime in the near future, they will: a) meet a Prom date's parents; b) have a summer job interview; c) visit a college recruiter; d) attend a family wedding, funeral, or religious ceremony.
It's a simple process:
* Always stand for an introduction.
* Look the other person in the eye!
* A pleasant expression or a smile is required.
* Offer your hand for a firm handshake. If it's a woman, wait to see if she offers her hand first.
* Say something like, "It's a pleasure to meet you." "I've been looking forward to meeting you." Depending on the occasion: "Congratulations/Condolences"
Are these three things impossible? I hope not... let me know. [email protected]
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