I was warned.
Re-entry into daily life after walking the entire 500-mile Camino de Santiago would not be easy. The last two pages of my guidebook by John Brierly attempted to prepare me: "When, after a prolonged absence, friends and family remark, 'You haven't changed at all,' I am hopeful that they are either blind or following some meaningless social convention."
Pretty blunt. And spot on.
Even as my pilgrimage was winding down--with some help and a reality check during the last 100 kilometers (62 miles) from the "turigrinos" who jump in for a few days, sometimes using tour vans that carry luggage and provide snacks--I wondered how to explain the experience. It is soooooo much more than just a long walk.
First--and easiest to describe--is the physical element. It was much harder than I expected, start to finish. Just as realtors have code descriptions ("Needs TLC." "Cozy." "Owners eager to sell.") so does the Camino. "Natural path" means rocks--big, slippery ones--and no chance of a level terrain. It means up and down hills, all day long. "Quiet isolated stretch" means walking for miles and miles without a place to eat/drink/pee...or poop. It can also mean no shade or shelter. One day I walked over twelve miles before hitting any kind of man-made building or business. A pilgrim has no choice but to walk on. Over time, my fitness level soared. I lost almost fifteen pounds--eating whatever, whenever I wanted. And even with sunblock, I tanned.
Next come the logistics. Harder for a non-Camino person to understand. From Day One, I was part of the Pilgrim Community. Co-ed bunk beds, first come, first served. Shared showers and toilets, sometimes on other floors. Showers often shut off after 15-30 seconds, to conserve hot water. Three or four rounds, and you're done. We were compelled to save water for those who'd had a hard day and arrived later. I learned to say "cama baja" to ask for a lower bunk. I also learned to add a pleading expression to support my request. What was crazy is how simple it all was...and how nice to have it be so simple.
Forget the men in their briefs. Everyone was modest and matter-of-fact at the same time. Besides, we were too exhausted to care about private parts. We all had to be packed up and out of the albergue by 8 am. Doors locked and lights out at 10 pm...if you had enough stamina to still be awake at 10 pm. My latest night was 9:30. Snoring? Oh, yes! But also, it was kind of comforting to listen to all the "night sounds" that people make. Made for a camaraderie of sorts. I knew I would miss it. And I do.
It was much more important to score a sunny place to dry your daily hand-washing. We jockeyed for clothesline space, oblivious of what was being hung out. Panties, lacy bras, tiny whitey-tighties. All we wanted was to have tomorrow's outfit dry before we put it on. Please, Saint James--Santiago--let our clothes dry. Please. Amen.
The next level is the emotional aspect. Here is where pilgrims start to have a difficult time. The Camino defies you NOT to think about your life and decisions. The Meseta--Spain's farmland--offers a five day opportunity to contemplate. Your choices. Your successes and failures. A memory. Five memories. Relationships. Families. Careers. Things that did not come to fruition. Things that never will. What is still possible. On the Meseta, you are truly alone. You can sing out loud. Twirl your trekking poles. Laugh and cry. How to tell someone, "Yeah, I bawled for three days...and I'm not exactly sure why." You want to keep it for yourself, protect it, at least until you figure out what the heck happened out there.
Last comes the internal. They say it takes months to process the events of the Camino. To understand the changes that occurred...and they do occur. Some changes were always there, hibernating, waiting a long time to be recognized. Some are new. There are realizations and revelations. How does a pilgrim even begin to say, "Whoa! I need to make some serious decisions about how to live my life!" Not easy, and not forthcoming. Especially during the walk and right after returning. I had those moments, too. Some were natural outcomes of what I'd already been thinking. Others were brand-spanking new. It's all private and personal. And extremely difficult to talk about. After all, people thought you just went on this really long, cool walk. Got to eat some great food and drink wine, at bargain prices. You got a certificate suitable for framing. And lost some weight. What more could you want?!?
You will recall that I spent the months prior to leaving writing the Camino Countdown series. It was my attempt to explain why I was willing to live out of a backpack for more than five weeks, and what I was expecting. Even the hazards, such as blisters, bed bugs, and outdoor toileting. (I know you're curious: No to the blisters, Yes to the bed bugs and outdoor toileting. Details in the future--be patient.)
Great reading Suzy! I can't wait to hear more.
Posted by: Julie Lambert | 10/26/2014 at 09:05 AM
Wow, takes my breath away. What courage to be willing to push yourself that far.
Posted by: Andrea Gregg | 10/26/2014 at 11:49 AM
Suzy, I am still in awe of you. I will enjoy reading your memories, and I am so proud to know you.
Posted by: Linda Stensrud Drake | 10/26/2014 at 02:54 PM
A pilgrim has no choice but to walk on.
Indeed.
Posted by: Jayne | 10/26/2014 at 03:53 PM
Dear Suzy, Welcome back to the States and to the rest of your life. I'm sure your outlook has been altered both profoundly and subtly. Looking forward to reading about it and hope to meet you again, soon.
Posted by: Ed Koizumi | 10/27/2014 at 07:23 AM
Thank you for sharing your journey Suzie! I have enjoyed following your every step...
Posted by: John McGee | 10/27/2014 at 08:22 AM
Actually had me in tears. Such an amazing experience. As always, love your writing - so thoughtful, funny, wry, insightful, and more.
Posted by: Ginna | 10/27/2014 at 11:06 AM
What an incredible experience! I've so enjoyed reading your posts. Thanks for sharing this amazing trek.
Posted by: Jo-Anna | 10/27/2014 at 01:07 PM
Congratulations on an amazing accomplishment! Looking forward to hearing more.
Posted by: Kathy | 10/27/2014 at 10:03 PM