I've been thinking about regrets lately. Why do so many people claim they don't have any? You hear it all the time: "When I look back on my life/career/relationships, I have no regrets." Even Edith Piaf, the famous French singer who had a pretty miserable life, tried to convince us that all was peachy-keen with her brave "I regret nothing" ballad.
REALLY??
This is where I scratch my head in amazement. Regrets? I have more than plenty to go around, big and little. In fact, here are a dozen, right off the top of my head:
- Marrying at twenty when I wasn't really sure
- Not telling my father I loved him the last time I saw him alive
- Getting rid of my favorite Christmas sweater
- The night I drank too much Scotch
- Those horrible shoes I bought to please a man
- Not keeping up with my college roommate
- Working the night shift to earn $.25 more an hour
- Waiting so long to travel
- Trusting that hard work would be acknowledged
- Putting my best knives in the dishwasher
- Ignoring the advice of people who love me
- Not buying more stocks during the Recession
See? I could go on, but you get the idea. Surely I'm not the only one who's made a few wrong turns.
The other thing I don't understand is the "If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't change a thing." When I look around, I see folks constantly trying to recover from bad mistakes and faulty rationales. Go ahead--ask them if they could turn back time and change an event, which moment would they choose? Nearly always, they'll say that everything's fine, thank you. They can't recall anything that could have used a little buffing and puffing.
As for me, I say that if you don't want your "do-over" ticket, I'll be happy to take it off your hands. I'd gladly make a few refinements.
I understand that life's wobbles are meant to make us wiser and stronger. I also understand the power of gratitude in accepting the lessons that come our way. But what I don't grasp is the lack of ability to embrace the insight that comes from a sincere "Boy, that was really dumb. I wish I could take it back."
Maybe to admit your regrets means you've somehow failed. Or that what's done is done--let's move on. Still...in the middle of the night, tell me that you don't sometimes go back in time to a defining day--you know which one it is--and whisper to yourself, "If only..."
Yes, of course, everyone has regrets in life. Missed golden opportunities, an unkindness leveled at another, or the life changing tragedy you didn't and couldn't forsee. But to constantly dwell on them would just make yourself crazy and you'd be bad company. Quoting another famous singer, "Regrets, I have a few, but then,again, too few to mention." Well, that's putting on the brave face, the one you show to your friends, family and the person in the mirror.
Posted by: Ed Koizumi | 06/08/2015 at 07:09 AM
Ed, I know! And I completely agree...my point is that we ALL have regrets, so why deny them? Thank you for your comment--and may you have "too few to mention"...!!!
Posted by: Suzy | 06/08/2015 at 12:41 PM