Singles vs. Marrieds. I've written about it many times. So has the rest of the world...it's daily fodder for the Huffington Post. Seems there's always a new study showing who's happier, healthier, richer, prettier, stronger. Meanwhile, the single population grows:
- Last year, the number of single adults in America topped the marrieds--50.2% are now singles, compared to 22% in 1950.
- Pew Research did a survey with adults and found that only 46% of them really wanted to get married; 25% did not...and the jury was still out for the other 29%.
- Even more telling: Once people have been married, 46% chose to remain single after divorce.
What prompts today's Blix is the perplexing fact that when married people say they're happy, others believe them. When singles say they're happy, others think the singles are putting on a good front--that it's impossible to live alone and be content. In fact, three Israeli researchers found that people became angry at singles who chose to remain unmarried; these singles were judged more harshly than other singles who said they were looking for a romantic relationship.
Bella DePaulo, PhD, studies single people and the stigma of being unmarried. She maintains married people enjoy privileges, much like being white or male. Just being married grants certain status and rewards. To verify her belief, she and two colleagues developed a list of statements to determine if you're among the "privileged." Take a few minutes to read these ten statements and respond "yes" or "no." (Singletons: Insert "single" for "married" and your favorite person for "spouse.")
- I can count on finding huge numbers of movies, TV shows, and books featuring characters desperately seeking to join my marital status and being celebrated when they succeed.
- I do not find lists of reasons why I am still married on websites and in magazines.
- I do not receive unsolicited advice about what I did wrong that led me to get married, or what “issues” I have that left me in the sorry state of matrimony.
- I enjoy the presumption of maturity: People assume that because I am married, I’m more mature than I would be if I were single. If I act in an immature way, people don't assume it's because I'm married.
- I can give large sums of money or estate property to someone important to me (my spouse) without paying taxes.
- If I decide to raise kids, no one will presume that because I'm married, my family is at-risk or dysfunctional. Or that my kids will become juvenile delinquents.
- I can be the star of expensive celebrations of my marital status and I won’t be called selfish or self-centered.
- I can assume that an important person in my life (my spouse) will be included in social invitations, such as the "plus one" at weddings.
- I often pay less for insurance simply because I am married.
- If I make the argument that single people are privileged in particular ways, no one will say I am doing so because I am bitter.
For the full list of 32 questions, click here to see Dr. DePaulo's full blog post. She covers Social Security benefits, faulty research, and my pet peeve, the single supplement. (The extra twist of the knife for traveling alone...)
No one is looking to revolt against marriage. We're just asking that our "stereotypes" be put on the same level as the those of married folks. And my special plea: Quit making me pay more to go places by myself!
Yup. Curiously. Another interesting facet of this conversation is gender: specific-questions and stereotypes about single men ve singe women. (Not that I'm hypersensitive to gender issues or anything.)
Posted by: Linda K Clark | 06/10/2015 at 08:56 AM
I am quite aware that marriage confers privilege. If it didn't,many fewer people would marry and stay married.
Posted by: Hattie | 06/10/2015 at 12:34 PM
Hattie, isn't it true? I wonder if that's why so many of us married when we were young, so we could be a "Mrs." Things have changed, but not the biases.
Posted by: Suzy | 06/10/2015 at 02:44 PM
Linda, you're spot on--didn't even think of that...but I'm not a "gender-freak" either. Thanks for bringing up a good point!
Posted by: Suzy | 06/10/2015 at 02:46 PM
Thanks for posting this! You will not be surprised that I really liked it!
Posted by: Bella DePaulo | 06/10/2015 at 02:58 PM
Great list!Thanks for bringing up such great points
Posted by: Positive K9 Training | 06/10/2015 at 06:18 PM
Bella, thanks for doing the research! I enjoy your articles so much--and your tireless efforts to end "singleism" in this day and age.
Posted by: Suzy | 06/23/2015 at 08:04 AM