In an earlier Blix, I told you about "Heads in Beds: A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called" by Jacob Tomsky, a former Front Desk Agent who spilled the beans about the hotel industry, and how discreetly handing over $20 at check-in can change your entire "customer service"experience. (I tried it, and he's absolutely correct!)
Today let's talk about what food servers wish they could tell us. A few years ago, there was a wildly popular blog called "Waiter Rant," where an anonymous waiter vented freely and frequently about the miseries of a career in the restaurant business. Eventually he reached the breaking point and quit...well, for awhile. He took his blog posts, polished them up, and the result: "Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip--Confessions of a Cynical Waiter," a no-holds barred description of a thankless job.
If you've ever worked in a restaurant--I lasted two weeks at a Howard Johnson's back in 1969--you become a life-long generous tipper. It's how we acknowledge our brethren who toil on our behalf: "I'm so sorry I asked you for more [whatever]...if I could get it myself, I would." We learn to be efficient in ordering and grateful for a pleasant attitude.
Most restaurants survive on a thin profit margin. Owners are constantly searching for ways to cut costs, with both food and employees. The waitstaff is stuck in the middle: Encouraging diners to choose dishes with bigger profit margins, while tolerating the lunacy of management. Toss in angry chefs, sexual and verbal harassment, lack of benefits, vermin of all kinds, sleazy co-workers...well, you see my point.
That's all before the customers come through the door. Ah, the customers. The author, Steve Dublanica, tells us that there really are great customers. He writes, "Eighty percent of customers are nice people just looking for something to eat. The remaining twenty percent, however, are socially maladjusted psychopaths." As you might suspect, he comes down hard on bad tippers. There are even categories of tippers. See if you fit in any of these groups:
- The Verbal Tippers: "Heavy on praise, but cheap with the cash."
- The 10-Percenters: Usually senior citizens who think nothing has changed in fifty years.
- The Accountants: Tightwads who tip on the total before tax. "If forced to split a check of $100.01, one guy will tip $7.50 and the other will tip $7.49." They complain about the prices, too.
- The Flat Tippers: No matter how well they're treated--"you could spill hot soup on their baby"--they always tip 15%. Always.
- The Average Joes: They tip between 15-20%, depending on their experience. Easy to deal with, they're most of the customers.
- The Nice Customers: They understand and respect that their servers are professionals. Often regulars, they tip 25% or more.
Dublanica tells many tales of his years at "The Bistro." Some are hilarious, some are outrageous, others simply heartbreaking. He describes customers of every stripe; the hell of Mother's Day brunches; and the ongoing battles between the kitchen and the front of the house.
At the end of the book, The Waiter gives us tips on how to be a fabulous customer. Here are three:
- Reservations: If you make a reservation, then keep it! On Fridays and Saturdays, about 20% of people just don't show up--or call. It throws everything off. Remember that today's reservation system tracks this; you could end up on the blackball list. Also, call if you're going to be late.
- Be Polite: Say "please" and "thank you" to the staff. This means everyone from the coat checker and hostess to the bartender and the waiter. Never snap your fingers to get the waiter's attention or ask the waiter's name so you can yell at him across the room. It can totally backfire on you.
- Regarding the Check: Ask for it. In an upscale restaurant, servers don't like to drop it on the table. The "sign-the-check" signal is acceptable, but not popular with waitstaff. Pay the check within five minutes of receiving it--and make it obvious that you have done so by having the cash or credit card sticking out of the check holder. And please, don't ask for separate checks at the end of the meal.
Be good to your server and you will be rewarded in kind. He'll tell you if a special is really terrible and will make sure your side salad is...well, you'll have to read the book to find that part out.
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